Your growth in life is dictated by your ability to reflect,
and your ability to cohesively take the most pertinent information and lessons
from your past without getting stuck there. Lessons are derived from mistakes,
these inevitable experiences that make life, lived.
I haven’t taken much time to respect my blog with all the
holidays and finals that have plagued life currently, but I was still thinking
about what I wanted to write, if anything. What would I want to explore after
my mini hiatus. And it came to me in a lecture after receiving an exam and
looking at a few mistakes I had made, that this post, this entrance back into
my blogging life would begin with mistakes. The making, the fallout, and the
learning received from mistakes. I've been on this earth for nearly twenty
years now and mistakes and subsequent lessons have afflicted them. But I don’t
use the word afflicted to express a disdain to the experience, mistakes are
necessary life experiences that are constantly deemed as bad when there purpose
is to enlighten one’s life. It’s a perspective specific understanding, and for
pessimistic people perhaps they want to believe that mistakes are always bad;
but that’s just not true.
Sitting there mistake began to take on this magnanimous
definition as I started to think about it in a larger, deeper context. Mistakes
I made as a kid, as a human, as a girl, that I’m currently making; it was
overwhelming but the thought that consumed me the most was how I didn't want
those mistakes that I made for my future daughter(s), for my future children in
general (this post being within my feminist blog, is why it’s geared towards girls;
not to exclude any guys), for any girls that gets the opportunity to read this
post, or meet me. Blood or not I didn't want to think that the cringing
sensation I felt sitting in that lecture hall as I relieved my most foolish
mistakes would be lived by some unknowing girl.
I’m tired of stepping on my fellow wo[man] when there down, I feel as
though were almost taught in the subject of belittling one another and tearing
them down.
I’m done.
Learn from my mistakes instead of being stupid enough to
make the same ones. You know that feeling when you’re thinking about something
and it just triggers a memory; and it’s not living in regret it’s just a
trigger to your past and it’s like relieving this embarrassing, debilitating
experience that I can’t understand why I did it, frankly I didn't know who I
was, which was largely why I did it. Looking for attention from people who had
their own ulterior motives, desperate to fit into a crowd that society should
have never put on a pedestal. Sometimes
I even emit the strongest of feelings; hate. Hate towards myself more than
anything, and I hate that too. I’m trying to pay it forward rather than be on
standby and watch someone else make that mistake. And I realize that some
mistakes are necessary and destined to be made but that’s not a true all.
I wasn't always a feminist, but I was always human. I write
this post specifically appealing to the female youths that will come behind me.
It’s never too early to be the example, but sometimes it can be too late. I
write often about pride and self-worth, particularly in young women but it’s an
acquired knowledge. No one comes out the gate with this full understanding of:
who they are, what they are, and the abilities they harbor. It’s an anomaly.
It’s a growing process that through the making of mistakes and through the
growing as a person you will eventually realize who you are as a person. And I
want to make that clear, it’s not an overnight process, it’s an evolutionary
one.
 |
| lol from Hammer to Harem |
One of my favorite Fiona Apple songs...her view on mistakes, which I enjoy...sort of Amy Winehouse-esq
